Finding Peace instead Of Grief…..

Some of us have had a job reviews/ observations/ interviews and others have had presentations or had to get up in front of people to perform where there was a super sense of stress because what you did could make or break you! Now imagine having that feeling everyday of your life! That is the equivalence of having a learning/ working difference and when there is a lack of understanding, acceptance and you are constantly being judged and criticized on your demeanor, work habits, work outcomes, process that you use to work. And the worse part of it, most times individuals see nothing wrong with their actions towards you, in fact many times they feel justified in their actions which makes it so much worse when you advocate for yourself because they don’t recognize you as valid.  They see you as a troublemaker, someone defying their authority or someone who is trying to get out of work, Wuff!  

These thoughts and feelings are genuine I know because20170831_155133.jpg I have had them. You are reading this because of one of three reasons- you have a processing disorder/suspect something like it is going on, you have someone in your life that has a processing disorder, you happened upon this blog- read it and it sounds crazy.

If you have a processing disorder or ADD/ADHD,  you experienced a cold sweat and know exactly what I am talking about, or you have watched someone go through this experience and felt helpless or wanted to over-dominant them to take the experience away because they took to long, you were angry, confused, or in pain watching them go through it. Lastly, if this is new you have had an ah-ha moment into the lives of people you have met in you life. All of this information is valuable and important.  It. It will be pieces of a puzzle to help you find peace.

You need to know yourself or the person very well to know what is a strength and weakness.  You need to determine where the trigger area for self-defeating emotions and thoughts. You need to know who your brain works, on good days and bad days. You really need to know the creator who designed you with a plan for good not evil in mind whether it meets others ideas is another thing. You need to know He has your back, He has prepared a path, and He is walking along side of you willing to lead and guide you giving you what you need and at the right time on His timeline not ours. Roman 11 tells us that God depth of knowledge, riches, and wisdom are beyond our own! In  chapter 12 it tells us we are not to be conformed to the this world but be transformed an renewal of our minds by the new ideals and new attitude so we will prove for ourselves what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect in His sight for you!

He asks us time and time again through out His word to trust and rely on Him, not to worry or have anxiety for God loves us and has mean all things to work out for our good as we do just that. Again it may not be when or how we would work things out but it is the perfect will of God in an imperfect world. This sounds like a short answer to a long problem, but we have to chose to think He is doing the work. We are trusting, following, and obeying the Holy Spirit’s prompting which mean you have learned and practiced how to do that. That may be the learning curve here. Engaging in a personal relationship with Christ in order to gain what we need each day to be who He created us to be. He is faithful, loving and trust worthy!

 

Advertisements

Trust in God, in Self, and in Others- Tricky Business For Outliers

I believe this may be my most important blog!

Trust has always been one of the most challenging things for me. I think I understand why.

I was reading a book by Joyce Meyer, Get Your Hopes Up!, and in my mind raised the ugly head of doubt. I said to myself, hum, why? God has done so much for me and I truly believe and trust Him with everything and my life.

I read this section and the thought came to me- let me tell you what it was.

Trusting God, not yourself

As a child and a young person I questioned God why I struggled, in fact I trusted God and others more than myself. I saw my performance and abilities compared to others- not by my parents- but by others in school and other situations that kept telling me over and over again not to trust myself. In church I was suppose to memorize scripture  to please God and be a good christian, something that continues to be difficult for me. In school, not keeping up in math and not knowing right from left- feeling set apart and different. It always was so subtle because I have processing issues that are not visible and also being intelligent it always looked like it was a lack of effort on my part, not reaching my potential. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard that. I could pay off my student loan and perhaps my mortgage! I had been conditioned to believe others knew better than me and simultaneously being told of course you can do it, just believe you can! Crazy!  I have been set up.

But God has done an amazing work in my life because I did trust and believe in Him. But always with this conflicting trust issues with others and how I looked to them. And in fact I still use many compensation strategies and techniques that do rely on others to use my abilities and strengths that God has given to me. But there is a shift now!

Truth is- God made me to trust Him in my weaknesses, to rely on Him first no matter what my issues are /were. He knows best! And no matter what people believe, judge, think of me it really doesn’t matter as much as I have been conditioned to think. I need to concentrate on being a person of excellence- doing my best and leaving the rest up to God. I am  not an island- no better, no worse than others. I can follow a life’s plan designed by my heavenly father that is one where I can enjoy life and feel my purpose is fulfilled without comparing myself with others.  He does send people into my life to partner with me to do the parts of my tasks that are difficult for me but I am to rely on God first, not them. And  I am loved, cherished and well thought of in my areas of strength. I can Trust myself because I Trust Him first and lead by the Holy Spirit.

I know God is no respecter of persons so if He has done this for me, He will do the same for you! His greatest gift is that He loves us and wants us to enjoy our lives, relationships, and love ourselves!

Proverbs 3:5-6

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

A great song to go with this is by Nelson Hawk, Live Like You’re Loved!
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_r47Xhkf20

Where We Can Find Acceptance & Approval

 

I was just reading the story of Jesus calling out to Peter step out of the boat to come to Him on the water while a storm was raging.  Peter did! but then he panicked because theImage result for jesus walking on water surroundings appeared, felt, actually were dangerous then he then lost sight of Jesus and His ability and strength.  Jesus said,” Oh you of little faith.”  Matthew 14:28-32.

It takes a radical faith and a secure knowledge of the Father God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to step out when we are asked by God to step out and believe despite the appearance of our surroundings to follow through with what  He is telling us to do and believing His words to us that He can be there for us.  And in the case of the life of an outlier, someone who doesn’t appear to fit in, to be who He created us to be it is especially challenging.

God did not make a mistake when creating those of us in this situation, but it feels like it sometimes.  When we are adopted into the family of God in His Kingdom, we are instantly accepted and approved of by Him because we are seen by God with Jesus as our middleman
even though we aren’t perfect. If our intent in our heart is to be all that God wants us to be. We seek Him in relationship and in His Word, it’s all a green light, GO. He has a great plan for our lives that is not based on others opinions or views. We just need to keep our eyes on Jesus and lead by the Holy Spirit realizing He is stronger than our surroundings, circumstances, other people’s opinion, and not to give in to the feelings of being overwhelms or pegged as different.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope.

I have struggled with for as long as I can remember and He has been been there for me when things aren’t going as planned in my life. It is so easy to rely on the acceptance and approval of others to guide one in decisions and when that is not there it creates a insecurity. When I have stepped out on my own because I felt it was right for me and who God make me it hasn’t always been the road others would have chosen for me. He has directed those steps and worked them out out for my good when I relied on Him. I am at peace and I see His hand in my life guiding my steps each day which is amazing. It is not without clutter and problems, but He has kept His word. I have peace when I chose to rely on Him accepting the offer of peace when I pursue and depend on it rather than my natural responses.Yeah God!

 

Adoption Complete as a Child of God…..

We get to know God and who we are in this new family and relationship.

God has a whole new way of seeing and defining you that has nothing to do with who or how you were without Him! Just like joining a new family. The relationship grows when you spend time and effort on establishing it or it will not work out very well. He guides and mentors us in the process never leaving or forsaking us!

1 Thessalonians 5:23 

23 And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [separate you from profane things, make you pure and wholly consecrated to God]; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved sound and complete [and found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah). (AMP)

We become stronger in our faith and belief that all things are possible with God and that He has great individualized plan for each of us.

Hebrews 4:12

12 For the Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing, and effective]; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the [a]breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and of joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart. (AMP)

 

 As we grow in our maturity as a Child of God and we are transformed into a person that is all the best parts of ourself with His coaching and guidance with love for us. We realize fulfillment and our purpose through Him. He helps us to remove those things that will not benefit us, others or Him- not in a judging and condemning way, but patiently and in love for us. He has our best interests at heart!

And during this process, we begin to resemble our new family and the result of this change ripples out from us to those around us. And as the ripples go out we are drawn to others who are in the same family and same purpose. He brings us together to bring His Kingdom to Earth as it is in Heaven. This is the horizontal relationship with others which benefit from our adoption. We need to maintain our vertical relationship first with our Father through Christ and empowered by the Holy Spirit that dwells in our spirit.

We are adopted as a child of God!

Time is precious and an Unkind Taskmaster….

 

Image result for clocks clipart

It is difficult to explain the difference in the passage of time when things take longer to think about and do. Everything is elongated but time passes at the same pace for those around me. Sometimes it’s like living life in slow motion and everything is whizzing around you like when you are in an accident and the motion slows.

Tenth Avenue North-Worn- song and video

I constantly look for better and faster ways to do things. I want to cut corners and do things efficiently so I have time for all the things I want to include in my life.  Others have more time for things they want to include in their lives without even thinking about it. They do them in a whisper of time. I until recently would run through  the whole gamut of emotions-out of control, helpless, anger, jealousy, depression, anxiety, overwhelmed, despair, fear, to name a few- when I would experience/ need to do something that would trigger the feeling of not being able to perform in the same way and speed as those around me.

I want to hide and hunker down in a safe place until I can figure out how I need to approach it and do the thing that triggered my delay. You don’t really want to tell anyone because they judge you and don’t think you’re capable. So you’re alone a lot, even in a crowd. You are alone in your thoughts, not lost, just thinking, but things and people keep living, talking, working around you, damn. Can’t it stop just for a bit until I can catch up!!

 

Don’t get me wrong. I have obtained my goals but until the last couple of years I pushed myself like a slave-driver and I did miss things in life to obtain some of my goals. I lost a lot of sleep and believed pleasing people to give them what they wanted would protect me. I gave them the performance they wanted, I gave them the image and mannerisms they expected to make them comfortable so I could fit in to their world of fast moving and competitive environment. I did and I didn’t, Why? Because in that world you’re great in one person’s mind and not in another. It is not a stable variable. I learned you can’t trust and  depend or count on them. I am not perfect and no one is. I was holding myself to a standard too high in order to protect myself against criticism and judgement; because of my processing disorder I am hypersensitive to someone telling me I am not performing well enough. It made me drive myself harder and longer.

I finally came to the end of myself and even as a Christian, having a long standing relationship with Christ and being filled with the Holy Spirit. I just didn’t get how He could work out all of these issues in my life. So many scriptures I read about not having anxiety, fear, that I was His handiwork and He had a great path all planned out for me. He had done amazing things in my life, protected me in my rash impulsive behaviors, lead and guided me in so many things. I definitely believed I was doing exactly what He wanted me to, but I still suffered and had little enjoyment or peace. I just had a hard time trusting Him because He allowed and created this processing disorder in me without giving the adults or me any direct and concrete ideas on how to handle it. How bad would it get? How much more suffering would I have to live through. I wanted it to stop. How was I suppose to do all the things I needed to, I tried to gain His strength through the Holy Spirit, but I was exhausted….

But Then God…. to be continued

Kari Jobe- I Am Not Alone- Song and video