Finding Peace instead Of Grief…..

Some of us have had a job reviews/ observations/ interviews and others have had presentations or had to get up in front of people to perform where there was a super sense of stress because what you did could make or break you! Now imagine having that feeling everyday of your life! That is the equivalence of having a learning/ working difference and when there is a lack of understanding, acceptance and you are constantly being judged and criticized on your demeanor, work habits, work outcomes, process that you use to work. And the worse part of it, most times individuals see nothing wrong with their actions towards you, in fact many times they feel justified in their actions which makes it so much worse when you advocate for yourself because they don’t recognize you as valid.  They see you as a troublemaker, someone defying their authority or someone who is trying to get out of work, Wuff!  

These thoughts and feelings are genuine I know because20170831_155133.jpg I have had them. You are reading this because of one of three reasons- you have a processing disorder/suspect something like it is going on, you have someone in your life that has a processing disorder, you happened upon this blog- read it and it sounds crazy.

If you have a processing disorder or ADD/ADHD,  you experienced a cold sweat and know exactly what I am talking about, or you have watched someone go through this experience and felt helpless or wanted to over-dominant them to take the experience away because they took to long, you were angry, confused, or in pain watching them go through it. Lastly, if this is new you have had an ah-ha moment into the lives of people you have met in you life. All of this information is valuable and important.  It. It will be pieces of a puzzle to help you find peace.

You need to know yourself or the person very well to know what is a strength and weakness.  You need to determine where the trigger area for self-defeating emotions and thoughts. You need to know who your brain works, on good days and bad days. You really need to know the creator who designed you with a plan for good not evil in mind whether it meets others ideas is another thing. You need to know He has your back, He has prepared a path, and He is walking along side of you willing to lead and guide you giving you what you need and at the right time on His timeline not ours. Roman 11 tells us that God depth of knowledge, riches, and wisdom are beyond our own! In  chapter 12 it tells us we are not to be conformed to the this world but be transformed an renewal of our minds by the new ideals and new attitude so we will prove for ourselves what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect in His sight for you!

He asks us time and time again through out His word to trust and rely on Him, not to worry or have anxiety for God loves us and has mean all things to work out for our good as we do just that. Again it may not be when or how we would work things out but it is the perfect will of God in an imperfect world. This sounds like a short answer to a long problem, but we have to chose to think He is doing the work. We are trusting, following, and obeying the Holy Spirit’s prompting which mean you have learned and practiced how to do that. That may be the learning curve here. Engaging in a personal relationship with Christ in order to gain what we need each day to be who He created us to be. He is faithful, loving and trust worthy!

 

Advertisements

Where We Can Find Acceptance & Approval

 

I was just reading the story of Jesus calling out to Peter step out of the boat to come to Him on the water while a storm was raging.  Peter did! but then he panicked because theImage result for jesus walking on water surroundings appeared, felt, actually were dangerous then he then lost sight of Jesus and His ability and strength.  Jesus said,” Oh you of little faith.”  Matthew 14:28-32.

It takes a radical faith and a secure knowledge of the Father God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to step out when we are asked by God to step out and believe despite the appearance of our surroundings to follow through with what  He is telling us to do and believing His words to us that He can be there for us.  And in the case of the life of an outlier, someone who doesn’t appear to fit in, to be who He created us to be it is especially challenging.

God did not make a mistake when creating those of us in this situation, but it feels like it sometimes.  When we are adopted into the family of God in His Kingdom, we are instantly accepted and approved of by Him because we are seen by God with Jesus as our middleman
even though we aren’t perfect. If our intent in our heart is to be all that God wants us to be. We seek Him in relationship and in His Word, it’s all a green light, GO. He has a great plan for our lives that is not based on others opinions or views. We just need to keep our eyes on Jesus and lead by the Holy Spirit realizing He is stronger than our surroundings, circumstances, other people’s opinion, and not to give in to the feelings of being overwhelms or pegged as different.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope.

I have struggled with for as long as I can remember and He has been been there for me when things aren’t going as planned in my life. It is so easy to rely on the acceptance and approval of others to guide one in decisions and when that is not there it creates a insecurity. When I have stepped out on my own because I felt it was right for me and who God make me it hasn’t always been the road others would have chosen for me. He has directed those steps and worked them out out for my good when I relied on Him. I am at peace and I see His hand in my life guiding my steps each day which is amazing. It is not without clutter and problems, but He has kept His word. I have peace when I chose to rely on Him accepting the offer of peace when I pursue and depend on it rather than my natural responses.Yeah God!

 

The Paradox of The Creative Mind- Part Two…….

continuing…

Today if you are a creative person, you are still an enigma. You are a mysterious and rarely understood person who almost magically comes up with real and new things seemingly out of nothing. But you also understand there is a price you pay for that ability. The peace, purpose and health of your creative mind relies greatly on the environment and having those around you to guide and mentor you in order to learn how to live successfully.

In the creative community and professions there is a sense of instability because success and acceptance also relies on one being recognized and valued by society. This is how one may gain a feeling accomplishment. Many creative livelihoods  need to have a following of those who believe/appreciate/ admire their work. And many times Popular society is needed to bring creative works forward and showcase them, but popularity can be a fickled thing. It relies on likes and dislikes which change like the wind. Creative individuals have such great drive and passion to create those things envisioned/felt deep within themselves.  They want others to appreciate, understand and applaud them. So many times that which they seek is evasive.

And when we don’t have that affirmation, it can be very difficult and painful. And there are those who have the creative spirit that have squelched it because it is too difficult, but then have no peace still struggling with the character traits of a creative person that represent a very complex personality. So let’s examine this issue!

There are different ways of looking at personality types. I have included a chart of one such model. The creative personality is not one of them, but it is a collective of many personality traits, most likely a combination of the traditional four temperament types. Those who would qualify, as creative are not just artists, actors, dancers, writers but also scientists, inventors, entrepreneurs, chefs. We can use our creative abilities in almost any profession, but we will still have the traits which are listed out later that defines what I propose as a fifth temperament. There is no estimation of how many people possess this temperament, but my guess it is 10% to 15% which also happens to be the estimated percentage of those with learning disabilities and the estimated number of individuals who are right-brained. If we crossed reference some of these issues and traits, they seem to correlate to one another. I believe their is some clarity to be had here. So much as been defined as a negative or abnormal, that may not be the case. That connection will also be explored and discussed another time.

While researching I came across a man, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, who has studied the creative personality for more than 30 years and he has written an article, The Creative Personality: Ten Paradoxical Traits of the Creative Personality, that gives a description of the creative personality that I can attest to as accurate as far as how it describes me, my family members and friends who demonstrate the same creative tendencies and traits. And much like the other temperaments there are positive and negative sides to personality traits, it is important to develop the positive side.

 It seemed like a full time job sometimes to manage so many traits and when it was the right time to use them. One really can’t do it on our own. I recognized I needed God and his strength, power and Holy Spirit to help me, or else I become overwhelmed. The creative personality can be a great burden to bear, but it also bring huge amounts of beauty and joy in life and to those around us. 

The article’s definition with all its complexity makes it is clear why we have had so much confusion in understanding ourselves and how others have difficulty  understanding us. They have a difficult time understanding  because one does’t fit in a standardize model. There is no battery of tests that  can be given by the educational system, psychologists, and employers that tell them we embody the creative spirit. The understanding begins here with self-awareness.

In the article Csikszentmihalyi states a definition with all the complexity that creates so much confusion in understanding one’s self.

The traits are as follows:

Creative people have a great deal of physical energy, but they’re also often quiet and at rest.

Creative people tend to be smart yet naive at the same time.

Creative people combine playfulness and discipline, or responsibility and irresponsibility.

Creative people alternate between imagination and fantasy, and a rooted sense of reality.

Creative people tend to be both extroverted and introverted.

Creative people are humble and proud at the same time.

Creative people, to an extent, escape rigid gender role stereotyping.

Creative people are both rebellious and conservative.

Most creative people are very passionate about their work, yet they can be extremely objective about it as well.

Creative people’s openness and sensitivity often exposes them to suffering and pain, yet also to great deal of enjoyment.

We are in a situation that reminds me of the story of the blind men and the elephant. Each man felt a different part African Elephant wallpaper wallpapers of the elephant and by the characteristics and features they felt they defined what they were experiencing.

That is how it is for me with others. I will meet people and be exhibiting particular traits, so that is how they believe I am, but not realizing the depth of my personality. The next time we meet I may be portraying an opposite trait. I have people who meet me when I am being extroverted, playful and energetic; they see me as a popular cheerleader type because that is what was required socially at that time. If they meet me while I am thoughtful, writing and introverted it would not register with them that I am being myself. They may also believe that I am bitchy or stuck up.  Or if they never see me that way they will continue to believe I am as they saw me previously. 

I believe without a complete understanding of myself, I have and can continue fall victim to a lot of confusion and also to misguided leadership. You can also doubt yourself and what you are. You know who you are and what you need, but when you explain it others they lose interest or try to understand, but many times they can’t because they are only seeing part of the elephant and they are pushing you to decide what part are you going to be, the extrovert or the introvert because you can’t be both it is unhealthy and beyond their comprehension. 

For years I  struggled in life with who I was. I once saw a flower growing out of a rock. At that time I felt the loneliness of the flower and in its isolation while it struggled to grow to become what it was meant to be. Now I see that rock as the presence of God in my life that I was growing out from. He was protecting me. He was my rock and foundation in a world I perceived as non-supportive, not in meanness, but in ignorance of who I was.

I didn’t have information I needed to learn how to be the best I could be, to find my way in a world that mislabeled/perceived me incorrectly. When I got ideas, drew or wrote I would get so excited and they didn’t now how to react. I didn’t know what to do. I think in my naivety I thought they all knew what to do and it was being kept from me. I was always on the look out for someone to guide me. That’s when I realized something about God.

God has been there the whole time, good and bad, hard and easy growing me into the person he meant for me to be. I can say he has lead me to a good place where I can be who I need to be who can resist to pressures of what others think I should be. I still struggle with the need for approval and acceptance.  It is an everyday commitment to stay in that good place and relationship with Jesus where there is peace and rest without judgment and I have access to unconditional love and his presence to support me to be the person he wants me to be.

God made us who we are for a reason and it is not to torture us. But when you have such a complex personality that doesn’t fit into an already established definition, you feel a little lost and forgotten.

He has a perfect plan for us. 

Thessalonians 1:

For not only has the Word concerning and from the Lord resounded forth from you unmistakably in Macedonia and Achaia, but everywhere the report has gone forth of your faith in God [of your [a]leaning of your whole personality on Him in complete trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness]. So we [find that we] never need to tell people anything [further about it]. (AMP)

God is good and he does not abandon us or the work that he starts in us nor should we. When we except Christ as our savior, he is fully capable to work with us to realize our potential whether we are recognized or valued by society and he direct us to a path to fulfill our desires to use our creative abilities and gives us rest and peace in our lives. When others don’t understand, He does and he is always there. We learn to understand the concept of God being there for us in the seasons of life when we may not feel we are getting anywhere with our endeavors.

Hebrews 13:5

Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [Iwill] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] (AMP)

This personal relationship with God is true. I am not selling anything. My goal is to give hope. This is about learning to have a personal trust based relationship with Christ who loves us so much he sacrificed so much to establish it. We learn to trust Him and know he is with us always through the presence of the Holy Spirit within us. 

That why having a definition of this complicated personality is so exciting, and having a God who created me who is excited about all the things I am able to do. Even if I am not completely understood by others it is OK because He does! My acceptance and love comes from Him. We don’t have to change ourselves to please others. We can grow and develop as a person by His prompting and our obedience. 

Adoption Proceedings to Become a Child of God…..

 

A  picture is worth a thousand words…

We start out being separated from God by Man’s desire to be in control of it’s own destiny. We begin in our humanness unaware of the struggle over us and our allegiance in the spiritual world around us. It is an eternal business that when ignored can bring grave consequences. We, our spirit, will exist for eternity. This would mean we accept the existence of a spiritual dimension where we need to assign our  allegiance.

Our beings are 3 parts which includes a spirit that craves spiritual fulfillment. But if one does accept this fact, they may try to quench this craving in other ways with the other parts of our being, soul and body. Some become distracted with their own needs, the allegiance question is not addressed before they leave this world. This should be avoided at all costs because the default setting is an eternity without God, but with the alternative, Satan who seeks to destroy all things created in God’s image-us.

 

1 Peter 5:8 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [[a]in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour.

So we have decided to accept the gift of Salvation and join our lives with Christ. We have accepted the Spirit of the Living God in to our lives. He will reside in our spirit.

We then become a child of God with all its benefits and privileges which one needs to discover. We are adopted in to the family of God.

Ephesians 1:5 (AMP)

For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the purpose of His will [[a]because it pleased Him and was His kind intent]—

 If you were a person who was being adopted at an older age, you would have routines and life experiences before joining your new family. You come as you are into your new family and learn to adapt to a new situation. You can’t do it all at once, in fact, things kind of unfold as you get to know each other. As we develop a vertical relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Please read Romans Chapter 8. It is a chapter that talks about this process. 

!

1 Thessalonians 5:23 

23 And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [separate you from profane things, make you pure and wholly consecrated to God]; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved sound and complete [and found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah). (AMP)

 

 

WELCOME! 

You are accepted and loved into God’s Kingdom including a personal relationship with Him because you accepted Christ’s sacrifice on the cross and His resurrection. You have recognized and have chosen to believe that He is the Savior who frees us from sin/ separateness from God.

We are joint heirs with Him with God the Father!

See the next step in: Adoption Complete as a Child of God….

http://blog.emergingscholars.org/

Amplified Bible (AMP)

Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation

Adoption Complete as a Child of God…..

Always a timely subject! Deborah

outlierhope

We get to know God and who we are in this new family and relationship.

God has a whole new way of seeing and defining you that has nothing to do with who or how you were without Him! Just like joining a new family. The relationship grows when you spend time and effort on establishing it or it will not work out very well. He guides and mentors us in the process never leaving or forsaking us!

1 Thessalonians 5:23 

23 And may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [separate you from profane things, make you pure and wholly consecrated to God]; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved sound and complete [and found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah). (AMP)

We become stronger in our faith and belief that all things are possible…

View original post 272 more words

Time is precious and an Unkind Taskmaster….

 

Image result for clocks clipart

It is difficult to explain the difference in the passage of time when things take longer to think about and do. Everything is elongated but time passes at the same pace for those around me. Sometimes it’s like living life in slow motion and everything is whizzing around you like when you are in an accident and the motion slows.

Tenth Avenue North-Worn- song and video

I constantly look for better and faster ways to do things. I want to cut corners and do things efficiently so I have time for all the things I want to include in my life.  Others have more time for things they want to include in their lives without even thinking about it. They do them in a whisper of time. I until recently would run through  the whole gamut of emotions-out of control, helpless, anger, jealousy, depression, anxiety, overwhelmed, despair, fear, to name a few- when I would experience/ need to do something that would trigger the feeling of not being able to perform in the same way and speed as those around me.

I want to hide and hunker down in a safe place until I can figure out how I need to approach it and do the thing that triggered my delay. You don’t really want to tell anyone because they judge you and don’t think you’re capable. So you’re alone a lot, even in a crowd. You are alone in your thoughts, not lost, just thinking, but things and people keep living, talking, working around you, damn. Can’t it stop just for a bit until I can catch up!!

 

Don’t get me wrong. I have obtained my goals but until the last couple of years I pushed myself like a slave-driver and I did miss things in life to obtain some of my goals. I lost a lot of sleep and believed pleasing people to give them what they wanted would protect me. I gave them the performance they wanted, I gave them the image and mannerisms they expected to make them comfortable so I could fit in to their world of fast moving and competitive environment. I did and I didn’t, Why? Because in that world you’re great in one person’s mind and not in another. It is not a stable variable. I learned you can’t trust and  depend or count on them. I am not perfect and no one is. I was holding myself to a standard too high in order to protect myself against criticism and judgement; because of my processing disorder I am hypersensitive to someone telling me I am not performing well enough. It made me drive myself harder and longer.

I finally came to the end of myself and even as a Christian, having a long standing relationship with Christ and being filled with the Holy Spirit. I just didn’t get how He could work out all of these issues in my life. So many scriptures I read about not having anxiety, fear, that I was His handiwork and He had a great path all planned out for me. He had done amazing things in my life, protected me in my rash impulsive behaviors, lead and guided me in so many things. I definitely believed I was doing exactly what He wanted me to, but I still suffered and had little enjoyment or peace. I just had a hard time trusting Him because He allowed and created this processing disorder in me without giving the adults or me any direct and concrete ideas on how to handle it. How bad would it get? How much more suffering would I have to live through. I wanted it to stop. How was I suppose to do all the things I needed to, I tried to gain His strength through the Holy Spirit, but I was exhausted….

But Then God…. to be continued

Kari Jobe- I Am Not Alone- Song and video

 

 

 

See Yourself Through My Eyes

I coach individuals in an academic setting.

I propose you see yourself as I see you.

 I have a student who is unclear in his communication. He is a naturally outgoing very intelligent person yet he wants to enlighten people with ideas/concepts/ things that they may not know or understand. To him everyday topics are not interesting so he engages conversation with unusual  topics. Most people ignore him or placate him with a nod or ask a polite question.

But if you ask him to define it and explain it he’s patient.  He explains all the details. He understands that  he comes up with things  people don’t understand yet he is driven from within to inform people about interesting things. You can see it in his eyes that he wants to engage and doesn’t get frustrated.

Also he’s made an acquaintance and he’s very protective of this person. The individual doesn’t engage with other people very easily .  You can see his compassion and understanding for this person and he shows support for them. These are huge strength personal strengths and a gifts. They show his character and  personality traits being used with a positive application in his life with others. He needs to focus on these and develop and enhance them. He is problem solving the obstacles that are getting in his way of becoming a person of excellence.

Each person has strengths in character and gifts that make them an individual rather than a part of the crowd. It is how they perceive them, then how they  treat/behave makes them negative or positive character traits and a strength or weakness. It’s all in how you think about it then apply those thoughts in your life.  I strive to define my students and clients in a positive way. I also strive that they learn how to define themselves in this way by their strengths and the positive application of their character traits/gifts to be the best version of themselves.

Meanwhile they also see where they need to grow, mature and develop. They can compensate and delegate areas of challenge. They are not letting areas of challenge keep them from realizing their potential as a person.

When one sees areas in need of work and weakness, solely focusing on them because they think that  they are not okay. If this is you,  if you’re focusing only on your weaknesses! Stop it!

And not everything will be worked out to the best functioning levels and efficiency at once. You need to be patient with yourself and be kind, all the while never giving up.

You are not changing yourself to be something acceptable. You are adding to yourself to be a person of excellence then you problem solve your difficulties as obstacles and mainly focus on developing and enhancing your strengths.

Please see yourself as I see you.

Most of this information is not new, but the great news is you don’t have to do this on your own and with your own strength.

This is how God sees you in your strength, if you ask Him to partner with you. He will back you up because of the sacrifice of Christ as our representative. His presence in us by His Holy Spirit brings out our strengths and gifts meanwhile He works with us in a loving and patient way to lessen the impact of our challenges and weaknesses. He becomes our strength. My coaching is only temporary and limited. His is 24 /7 and limitless.

21 And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.

Isaiah 30:21 

Amplified Bible (AMP)

He is motivated by his love for you.

He has a great plan!